The headline speaker was three-time New York Times bestselling author Tim Ferriss. In his latest book, The Four-Hour Chef, Ferriss writes about acquiring the skill of meta-learning, or the meta-skill of acquiring skills. Two of his keys for quickly learning any skill, including learning, are 1.) Identify the best practices and do the opposite and 2.) Study the anomalies. He cites the example of a wispy girl who can dead-lift 405 pounds—because she’s doing it with technique rather than genes. And technique is learnable.

It didn’t occur to me until I left Toronto, but this event was filled with über-successful anomalies. The difference is in the difference. I mean, if we all read the same major publications and consume the same mainstream media, can any of us ever acquire different knowledge from our peers? If we hire the same consultants and implement the same best practices, will we ever distinguish ourselves from our competition, or be able to offer our clients new ideas?

Since we live in a time of information overload, I think the most effective way to grow and improve might be to learn from unlikely sources. Everyone I met at MastermindTalks had something different to share. I could easily fill pages describing each of them, but I won’t go into that much detail. Just know that every person on this list is well worth getting to know better. With that, here is my recap of the 25 speakers and takeaways from MastermindTalks:

Suli Breaks: This up-and-coming spoken word-rapper-poet reminded us that “only a few are willing to realize and accept that there is a big distinction between greatness and success.” He is the man who gave us I Will Not Let An Exam Result Decide My Fate (a must-watch for any parent), and it was great to witness his brilliance in person. You can check out his new album here.

Lewis Howes (a.k.a. Mr. Hustle): One of the most generous connectors I know, who also runs one of my favorite podcasts. Lewis shared his “The GREAT Method” with us:

G – Create a Goal

R – Reconnaissance (follow and learn from the best)

E – Effort/Hustle

A – Attitude

T – Team

Matt Kepnes: Nomadic Matt talked about building more flexibility into our work in order to travel more. His website is an outstanding resource for anyone looking to travel more, or just take a trip.

Shaa Wasmund: The bestselling author of Stop Talking Start Doing shared her incredible journey and her thoughts on The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. You can see all of the amazing things Shaa is up to here.

Derek Halpern: If you’re looking to grow your blog, or learn more about the convergence of business and human psychology, his blog is a must read. One of the smartest guys I know, Derek laid out his “BAB” model for selling:

• Before — Empathize with their current reality; make them realize they need help
• After — paint a picture of a world where these problems no longer exist
• Bridge the Gap – Show how your solution is the missing link

Joey Coleman: All of the speakers were competing for a $25,000 prize, and I was thrilled to see my good friend Joey take home the cash! In his presentation, Joey shared his thoughts on designing a “First 100 Days” strategy to wow new clients. If you could use game-changing business cards, or a complete rebranding, Joey is your man. (Full disclosure: Joey is a cadre member and I am a client of his, so there may be a little bias here.)

Hod Lipson: The Cornell professor blew everyone’s mind by bringing the life-altering potential of 3-D printing to light. If you don’t know much about this technology and the significant impact it’s likely to have on society, his book is an excellent guide to this brave new world.

Dan Martell: During his “Balance is Bullshit” presentation, Dan posed the challenge: “If you think you do not have balance in your life, before you do anything else you should ask yourself what balance means to you.” He recently founded an amazing service called Clarity which allows you to easily connect by phone with the best experts from around the world when you need them most. Check it out!

Jim Sheils: The Founder of Board Meetings International, an organization that exists to strengthen the relationship parents have with their children, talked about the benefits of families taking mini-vacations with their children. I can see why his organization has significantly impacted so many parent/child relationships. According to Jim, there are three basic ground rules for making a family getaway a rewarding experience:

1) It must be one-on-one (i.e. not with your spouse or other children)

2) No electronics allowed

3) It must be a fun activity, which the kid gets to choose, with focused reflection on questions like, What was your favorite part and why?

A.J. Jacobs: The Editor at Large at Esquire and author of four New York Times bestsellers had so much to share, but I especially enjoyed hearing about his experiences while writing The Year of Living Biblically (he followed every rule in the Bible for an entire year). The one takeaway that sticks more than others is “It is easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.” Go ahead and marinate on that for a minute.

Dandapani: After living as a monk for 10 years, Dandapani allowed his monastic vows to expire in 2008 and ventured out on his own. He now shares the teachings of his guru in workshops and spiritual adventures around the world with individuals, groups and organizations. I learned so much from him, and was especially struck by his basic keys to developing greater willpower:

1) Finish what you begin (for example, to finish sleeping, make your bed)

2) Finish it well, beyond expectations

3) Do a little more than you think you are able to do

Ryan Holiday: The rock star media strategist, who has worked with the likes of Tim Ferriss and Tucker Max among others, suggested that even he wouldn’t be able to help much if your product isn’t worth promoting. If you have a remarkable product/book/course, I can’t think of anyone better to lead your charge (and his blog is excellent!). But as Ryan suggests, just make sure it meets the following criteria before reaching out to him:

1) It is something new and/or different?

2) It is provocative? (For a good example of provocative, check out this campaign he did with Tucker Max.)

3) Do you know specifically who it is for, where they are and how you can reach them?

Clay Hebert: THE Kickstarter expert not only revealed some great hacks for that platform, but also left us pondering the profound question, “I have no doubt you’ll be successful, but will you matter?” You should also check out his awesome new project, Spindows.

James Altucher: The front of the MastermindTalks program read, “If You’re the Smartest Person in the Room, You’re in the Wrong Room.” Seeing this, I was worried this author of 10 books and one of my favorite blogs would leave. Fortunately, James stuck around and had us drinking from a fire hose during his talk. As an aspiring super-connector, I enjoyed hearing his process. He listens to people’s issues and either helps them on the spot or introduces them to people who can. He does this five times each day and as a result, has made millions! Be sure to check out his next book Choose Yourself, which becomes available on June 4.

Tim Ferriss: The author of three New York Times bestsellers was dropping knowledge bombs left and right, but here are two gems that stood out for me:

1) To continually get to new levels of success, you have to say no to almost everything.

2) When networking, focus on the potential relationships that will transcend the business objective.

Marc Ecko: It sure was fun listening to the fireside chat with the Founder and Chief Creative Officer of the billion-dollar global fashion and lifestyle company, Marc Eckō Enterprises. When asked about things he would have done differently in growing his business, he admitted to coming down with “Ralph Laurenitis” for a few years. Essentially, trying to chase down the leader in his industry cost him millions of dollars. He eventually embraced the uniqueness of his brand, which paid off big time. His upcoming book, Unlabel, will go even deeper and I encourage you to check it out.

Mitch Joel: I wasn’t too disappointed that the host of my favorite podcast was not presenting, since he’ll be keynoting our event on June 27. I would have loved to hear him discuss his latest book, Ctrl Alt Delete, which is excellent, but I can’t think of anyone better suited to interview Tim Ferriss and Mark Ecko. Mitch is a masterful interviewer and his poise and grace in the presence of these business icons, I believe, allowed us to learn more than we would have with anyone else in this role.

Mike McDerment: Freshbooks recently won the Gold Stevie Award for having the Best Front-Line Customer Service Team in the world. When asked what he attributed this to, the CEO said that part of the reason is because they have the best customers (entrepreneurs and business owners) in the world. So obvious, yet so insightful!

Bruce Poon Tip: Unfortunately I was unable to be present for most of this conversation. I wish this had not been the case, because from what little I heard, I took away some valuable lessons from this CEO of G Adventures as he related how his business grew from a small startup to a company with over 1300 employees catering to upwards of 100,000 travelers every year.

Dani Reiss: The CEO of Canada Goose is the epitome of a leader committed to sticking to his core values. All of their production is in Canada because they’re committed to outstanding craftsmanship, and cold weather is part of their national identity. As a result, everyone in Canada is incredibly loyal to their brand. This served as a great reminder that we shouldn’t try to please everyone. We can all build a successful business by being hyper-focused on serving a specific niche and blowing them away!

Cameron Herold: It says a lot about the quality of an event when one of the best speakers I have ever seen is one of the attendees. Cameron led one of the breakout sessions, and his TED Talk, Let’s Raise Kids to Be Entrepreneurs, should be required viewing for every parent.

Stephan Aarstol: Another breakout facilitator, whom you may know from his appearance on Shark Tank, which led to Mark Cuban becoming an investor in his company, Tower Paddle Boards. I got to spend some time with Stephan and long story short, it’s easy to see what Mr. Cuban saw in him.

Alex Ikonn and UJ Ramdas: While I did not get the opportunity to spend time with either of these gentlemen, they contributed to my experience in a very meaningful way. They created The Five Minute Journal, which provides the daily template for spending 10 minutes each day (5 when you wake up and 5 before bed) to reflect on the positive experiences in your life and what you are grateful for. I have done this exercise every day since, and cannot recommend it highly enough.

Jayson Gaignard: Last, but certainly not least, the man who made all of this possible. I’m sure bringing together this lineup of all-star thought leaders was no mean feat, but I also believe Jayson’s careful selection of attendees really made MastermindTalks special. You had to apply to attend this event, and Jayson narrowed more than 4,000 applicants down to just over 100. He and his wife Kandis were the ultimate hosts, and it was clear that they painstakingly thought through every detail. I mean, they had Athletic Greens available for us every morning! Plus, Jayson did not leave all of the educating to the speakers. We learned about the Pomodoro Technique (check it out!) from him, and I’m already using it to be more productive.

I’m not sure whether MastermindTalks will evolve into an annual event, but if it does, do not – I repeat, do not – miss the next one!

Good restaurants with private dining room options for lunch are hard to come by these days. Add the cadre “roundtable” format, with the need for two private rooms and separate checks, and it becomes near impossible. In our ongoing quest for lunch venues, we have seen some incredible examples of customer service over the past two years. We’ve also been in some embarrassing situations.

As many of you know, a portion of our “connecting” within cadre happens at our monthly lunches. I have researched, solicited referrals and visited numerous restaurants and facilities in the DC Metro area and much to my chagrin, have not had much luck finding quality restaurants with consistent, reliable service.

Granted, we have a relatively complex request. But in exchange we offer hosting restaurants incredible access to our members, all of whom are decision makers from remarkable companies throughout the area. Each lunch hosts 20-30 members, providing a great opportunity for the restaurant to market itself. I can personally attest to the fact that our members are nearly as eager to find great restaurants as I am. After all, I’ve requested referrals from them. Aside from one referral to Lebanese Taverna, which has accommodated us mostly with excellent (though not perfect) service, they’re at a loss.

It’s astonishing to me that among such an incredibly well-connected community, no one can recommend a restaurant that fits the bill. I suspect that this speaks much more to the restaurants’ inability to provide a remarkable, referral-worthy experience than to the connectedness or willingness of cadre members to help.

The situation calls to mind Scott Stratten’s latest, The Book of Business Awesome. Here are a few of our lunch experiences, both Awesome and in Stratten-speak, “UnAwesome”:

Awesome:

The Capital Grille Tysons Corner. I’d like to start with what I consider the quintessential cadre lunch location. This restaurant goes above and beyond with reliable, consistent service EVERY time. They “get it” and always deliver impeccable service with a smile. The always-delicious menu and seasonal $18 lunch plates are icing on the cake.

The Perfect Pita. For our “seminar” lunches in member offices, we like to bring in outside catering, and have found this local hotspot a perfect fit. Not only do they deliver fresh, tasty pitas and hummus, they consistently do it on time and on budget. They also offer healthy and gluten-free options. I highly recommend it if you’re looking for in-office lunch delivery.

The Source. Derek recently hosted a Washington Financial Group Wine Tasting at this Wolfgang Puck restaurant and from start to finish, the event was flawless. We’ve gone back to the restaurant with some friends since the event, and were delighted by the service and personal attention from the sommelier we worked with there. We did not plan this visit in advance, yet he surprised us with a variety of his favorite dishes and the perfect pairings for them – all within a reasonable price point! Fantastic!

Now to the UnAwesome:

Morton’s Washington, DC. Fail. Fail. Fail! Our top priority at lunch is getting our members out the door by 1:45, considering how busy they are. We tried this restaurant on three separate occasions. I thought the third time would be the charm, especially after several phone calls and emails to “clear things up” including a timeline for the flow of the lunch. We were guaranteed excellence…but no. For the third time running, our attendees were at least 20 minutes late departing. Checks weren’t ready. Desserts weren’t delivered. I had to ask for everyone’s “to-go” and got attitude from the general manager (who actually ran into the kitchen to avoid the situation). Seriously. Needless to say, never again, and going forward I will warn anyone thinking of hosting an event there.

Wildfire Tysons Corner. This is another high-end chain restaurant, like Morton’s, complete with a holier-than-thou attitude from the time we made the reservation. I should have known, but our go-to Capital Grille location was booked so I decided to give Wildfire a shot. Our meals were served over an hour after we sat down, and things went down from there. They even tried to overcharge us for a bottle of wine to round out our minimum! Here’s a more detailed account from one of our disappointed colleagues.

Is there a pattern in here? Do you need the word “The” in your restaurant name to be successful? I seriously doubt that’s the winning factor. There are actually several other bad examples I could list, but I’d like to be optimistic and focus on the positives. Should I remain hopeful?  I’m open to suggestions, and would be incredibly thankful for ideas for our next lunch venue! Do you know of any DC-based restaurants that provide incredible service, who would also benefit from having 30 CEO’s and business owners dining at their establishment on a monthly basis? If it’s really good, you might just be rewarded with your own lunch for two on us for your winning suggestion.

But when we do go to big events, we might have another hurdle to clear: Trust issues.

We all have to attend events to support a great cause or a great client. And attending events where you will know several other people there can make for a fun and productive evening. What is challenging are those times when we won’t know more than a handful of attendees. All we know is that the majority of people there essentially will be looking for professional one-night stands and as such, many of us are conditioned to have our guards up.

We assume that if someone approaches us, they just want to push their own agenda – even if they use an indirect tactic. If someone says to me, “Hey, I want to learn more about you and how I might be able to help!” it throws me off. What’s the catch? What am I missing? This person could be sincere for all I know. But based on my experience, they are more likely taking this approach because they heard that by initially focusing on the other person, they give the impression that they’re not just out for themselves.

As much as I hate to say it, many of us will always be skeptical of this approach – even if it is sincere – because more than likely it isn’t. I am guilty of this myself.

Let’s go back to the nightclub for another perspective. You’re out on the town for a fun evening with your girlfriends and a seemingly nice guy starts chatting with you. What would your reaction be if, immediately after exchanging formalities, he informed you that he is looking to settle down and get married? You would either decide he is hitting on you and masking his true intentions, or you’d think he’s serious — which is just creepy. Even if you’re looking for a spouse yourself, your reaction will likely not be a good one. Revealing this information two minutes into a conversation at a bar is not consistent with your expectations in that environment.

This same socially awkward scenario applies to me going to an actual nightclub as The Married Guy. (Not that I get out to clubs much these days, but say I had to for whatever reason.) If I went up to some guy or gal and said, “Hey, it would be great to have an extra friend. Tell me more about you and what you have going on.” It would be sincere, but it would also be weird, off-putting, and have the opposite of the intended effect. Wrong place, wrong time.

If you’re going to fit in, whether at a nightclub or a networking event, you have to assume that pretty much everyone there is thinking of what they’re going to get out of it. This is the accepted norm, so we’re thrown off even if someone is legit (which is why sincere people usually pass on attending in the first place).

It reminds me of a quote by George Akerlof, which Dan Pink shared in his excellent book, “To Sell Is Human“, relating to sales professionals:

“Dishonest dealings tend to drive honest dealings out of the market. The presence of people who wish to pawn bad wares as good wares tends to drive out the legitimate business.”

Essentially, well-intentioned sales professionals do not want to be in a business with dishonest salespeople. And since most people who attend networking events are not looking to develop meaningful and helpful professional relationships, the ones who are stayed home.

Have you ever met someone at a networking event and gotten lucky?

If one of these chance encounters turned into a mutually beneficial relationship, I’d love to hear about how it happened. It might give us some hope…but probably not. At the end of the day, I think it’s best we avoid the larger events where we don’t know many of the attendees and spend our time networking in more conducive environments.

What say you?

I have always approached meeting folks at these events with a long-term perspective. Primarily, to learn more about them and explore whether or not we could contribute to each other’s community. However, they end up being a big waste of time more often than not.

The main reason for this, I believe, is these events have evolved in a similar fashion to nightclubs. As the awesome David Siteman Garland of “The Rise To The Top” would say, everyone attending is looking for a professional one night stand. They may be looking to meet a new client, acquire a job or get some free wine. Regardless, their mindset of “How can I benefit immediately from this?” is not aligned with someone who is looking to develop mutually beneficial professional relationships. Obviously there are exceptions to the rule, but for the most part, like nightclubs, these events mostly attract short-sighted people and I don’t think any of us can change this dynamic.

Why is it then that most of the books and articles I have read about networking offer advice centered around how to successfully develop relationships with other top professionals by attending these events?

By comparison, most dating books and experts that focus on how to meet an ideal partner do not suggest that you frequent nightclubs on a regular basis. If you are looking for a committed personal relationship you probably should not go to bars every night, since you are not likely to meet many people who are there for that reason. Everyone gets that! So it should be no surprise that the best dating advice (correctly) ignores the part of the equation that you are not likely to change and encourages you to avoid the clubs altogether. Instead, it is suggested that you leverage your friendships and expose yourself to environments that are more conducive to finding a mate, such as getting personal introductions from friends or hosting dinner parties.

Why should we learn how to navigate these professional meat markets when we can identify more ideal ways to network? The next time you are assessing your networking options, I encourage you to consider skipping the big networking event and get creative. Some things that have worked well for me include hosting roundtable lunches and wine tasting events. Dinner parties are another great option and Michelle Welsch of Project Exponential wrote a great e-book on the topic. And if you identify a larger event that seems ideal, why not offer to bring a few of your clients or strategic partners? At least then you will be spending time with your valuable relationships, regardless of who else is attending.

Do you meet the types of professionals you want to meet at networking events? What effective networking endeavors have you participated in or hosted? I would love to hear your thoughts.

You can read Part II here.

But we keep going, because every once in a while, we meet someone who seems like they are there for the same reasons as us. They have a long-term outlook and are looking to authentically connect with other top professionals. Unfortunately, while encounters like this initially seem to justify venturing out to an event, they typically end up being the biggest time-wasters of all. Let me explain.

Say you go to a networking event and really hit it off with someone. The conversation is great and you think you could really help each other out. So you schedule a follow-up lunch. This either goes well, or it doesn’t. If it doesn’t, then from a time perspective you wasted at least one additional hour and would have been better off meeting Mr. Happy Hands and calling it a night. But let’s assume the lunch goes well. In most cases, these meetings do not produce immediate opportunities. (That’s not why you went though, right?) Most often they end with a mutual “This was great and I’ll keep you in mind for potential opportunities!” and you walk away hoping the time investment will bear fruit at some point in the future.

My question is do you have a plan or process in place for staying top of mind with all of the professionals you meet? If not, you’re wasting more time attending follow-up meetings than you would by striking out at the initial event.

Even if you’re good at staying in touch, it’s unlikely your fellow networkers are as organized as you are. After you’ve spent time with someone, will that person remember you six months from now when an opportunity presents itself? If so, will they know where to find your contact info? If not, why go to networking events and follow-up meetings at all?

I always used a manual process that combined my email and CRM software, and took a lot of time to set up. Recently, however, I discovered a phenomenal service called Contactually (affiliate link). It’s an email integration tool that allows you to create various buckets for contacts based on how often you should be in touch with them.

To give you an example of how this works, let’s say you want to check in with prospective clients every 90 days. Contactually cross-checks your email correspondence with other platforms such as LinkedIn and Twitter, and sends a reminder email if you do not contact them within this timeframe. The team functionality, which tracks correspondence between your clients and employees, is outstanding. I encourage you to try the 30-day free trial. There is no software to download and it works with all the major email providers.

Now that you know about Contactually, you’ll do a great job of keeping in touch with your contacts. Perhaps you’re already great at this. Either way, if you don’t have an effective process for staying top of mind, you’re probably better off going to an event and not meeting anyone worthy of a follow-up – or skipping the event altogether. Worst case, it’s one hour of your time down the drain versus three.

Do you already have an effective process for staying in touch with professionals you meet at networking events? If so, I’d love to hear about it.

1. Reach out to your network (whether they are on LinkedIn or not) at least once a quarter with a meaningful touch point.
2. If you do not get a response after 3 consecutive attempts, consider ending the relationship.  It is unlikely you have a real relationship with them
3. Constantly think about how you can help your network.  Just thinking about people goes a very long way.  This thinking will serve you well with technique # 1

In The Pumpkin Plan, Mike Michalowicz (who is keynoting the upcoming Trim The Fat Fest on November 15) reveals how the same principles that farmers use to grow colossal pumpkins can be applied by entrepreneurs to grow colossally successful businesses. He writes that these farmers “hold the ‘secret formula’ for big-time entrepreneurial success: they plant the right seeds, identify the most promising pumpkins, kill off the rest on the shared vine, and nurture only the pumpkins with the biggest potential.”

I think one of the main obstacles preventing many good businesses from becoming remarkable ones is the time they dedicate to their less than ideal clients and prospects. We all make exceptions when it comes to bringing on new clients who are not a good fit for one reason or another, and we have a hard time letting them go once we realize it was a mistake. The biggest mistake is that while we’re busy trying to please everyone, we’re not doing everything we can to provide an unparalleled experience for our best clients or to attract more like them.

If you find that you’re always “busy,” I encourage you to examine how you spend your time and ask yourself if you’re only working with clients who are truly a great fit.

As Mike suggests, “you can’t just go with revenue, and you can’t just go with your gut. If you truly want to pull off this whole entrepreneur thing, you’re going to need awesome clients you really connect with, clients who make you want to go to work in the morning, not hide under the covers. You want clients who have potential, who are open to new ideas, who have the money to pay you what you’re worth, who respect you, who are going places and who want you to be part of it. You can’t leave finding those awesome clients to fate. And you most certainly can’t wait for your awful clients to suddenly realize how great you are and turn into awesome ones. That never happens.”

If you have clients who are not a fit in terms of revenue AND difficult to work with, you should fire them. Today! As long as these clients remain in the picture, they can have the same effect on your business as the small pumpkins that take resources and growth potential away from the best ones on the vine. In some cases, firing them may be too extreme. You may only need to evaluate these relationships and make some changes so they’re more mutually beneficial.

Mike suggests taking a look at your clients and as a starting point, identifying those who do not pay on time, never refer you and/or always question your advice. Is there a way for you to create new policies or reset expectations in these situations?

Several years ago, I noticed that a block of my wealth management clients were no longer an ideal fit due to the amount of time I was spending with them. I enjoyed working with them, but I was traveling to them, and on average, spending four hours in drive time annually on each one. I was reluctant to make a change, but I also knew I couldn’t continue to grow my practice with so much “dead time.” I reached out to each client to let them know that going forward, we would need to meet in my office. The majority of them were fine with this. The ones who said no were effectively telling me that my advice was not valuable enough to justify them coming to me, which made it easy for me to move on from these relationships. In the end I freed up a lot of time, and liberated myself from relationships that were not a good fit.

Are you spending all of your time working with clients you love? Have you ever revisited certain relationships to reevaluate what you’re providing, and whether they’re worth it?

I’ve talked about how to make it easy for your raving fans to refer you. For the purpose of this post, let’s assume you’re already doing everything you can to make this happen. Yet for some reason, certain clients are not coming through for you.

Mike Michalowicz, who wrote my favorite book of 2012, The Pumpkin Plan, and will be keynoting cadre’s upcoming event on November 15, suggests it could actually be that they love you so much, they don’t want to risk a dip in service if they share you with someone else.

Case in point: As the parents of a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old, Melanie and I are fortunate to have the world’s best babysitter. We can almost always count on her to be available, and more importantly, we can enjoy our time away knowing the kids are in great hands. I have had a few friends ask me to refer her to them. But you know what? I never have. If I make that introduction, it’s less likely she will be available for us when we need her. Perhaps this hurts her. Perhaps this hurts my friends. But she’s just too important to us. Selfishly, I don’t want to risk ever having her tell me she’s unavailable because she’s watching my friend’s kids.

This is just a fact of my life as a parent, as it might be for some of you. Yet I had never considered that this same dynamic could be at play in my business.

In The Pumpkin Plan, which is loaded with incredible business insights, Mike suggests that your clients don’t want to risk referring you to someone else because they want to keep you all to themselves. He also introduces a solution, which he calls “Tapping the Vendor Well.”

He writes about a realization he had one day: “If my top clients get me, and I get them, it stands to reason that they also have this relationship with other vendors who get them. And those vendors probably have a similar relationship with their own top clients. They may be concerned about referring you to prospective clients, but ‘matching you up with other vendors in order to serve them better’? That they can do. They want to do it.”

Mike would then contact these fellow vendors and say, “Larry referred me to you. We’re his Hedge Fund Technology Specialist, and I’m hoping we could meet so I can get your advice on how I should be working to make your job easier, and how we could both do a better job for Larry.”

This has not only enabled him to improve the quality of service he provides his clients; it has also led to numerous referrals from his clients’ vendors.

Have you ever considered that your best clients may not be referring you because they don’t want to share you? Have you ever tried getting introductions to your clients’ other vendors?

I will be sharing some other ideas from The Pumpkin Plan over the next couple of weeks. In the meantime I strongly encourage you to pick up a copy, and plan on attending our Trim The Fat Fest on November 15.

Ajay, who is not a Cadre member, apparently looked up all of the attendees’ email addresses and added them to an email list in an effort to promote his software. I received more than 10 emails from members who forwarded this correspondence to me citing how un-awesome it was. He also mentioned that he met everyone personally, even though at least half the people who contacted me said they had no interaction with him.

This is one example for why many of us have soured on networking events. It’s also one of the main reasons I started Cadre: to minimize interactions with people like this and create opportunities for remarkable professionals to connect with each other authentically. While most of our events are member-only, we have a larger event once per quarter that nonmembers can attend. Even though most of them are invited by members and fit in extremely well, this situation reminds us that there will always be a handful of people who are only looking to push their own agenda.

The biggest irony in Ajay taking this approach is that it completely goes against everything our featured speaker, Scott Stratten of UnMarketing, communicated during his keynote that night. Some of the key takeaways from Scott included:

• Do not think that just because you met someone, you can add them to your list.
• Respect the inboxes of your subscribers (assuming you have their PERMISSION to contact them in the first place). Scott only sends out a blog post when he has something awesome to say, and because of this, his open rate is 91 percent!
• We are ruining QR Codes! So many businesses are misusing this technology. One of the more ridiculous places to use a QR code is in an email. As Scott pointed out, “We are already online!” Ajay apparently included a QR Code in his uninvited email to compound the pleasure of receiving it.

This is completely unacceptable to me, and consequently, Ajay has been banned from all future Cadre events.

I could stop there, but I feel Ajay needs some help in the authenticity department. It would be great if we could have Homey D. Clown pay him a visit. Do you remember Homey from “In Living Color?” If someone was engaging in an activity that was unacceptable to Homey, he would bat them over the head with a sock and say, “I don’t think so. Homey don’t play that!” (Here is a short compilation of Homey’s greatest hits if you’re in the mood for a good laugh.)

Since Homey is not available to pay Ajay a visit, we need another way to let him know that this approach does not benefit anyone (especially him) and that he needs to stop it. If you haven’t done so already, please join me in helping our friend Ajay by unsubscribing from his list — unless of course you want to continue receiving emails that you did not sign up for.

While Ajay won’t be attending any more Cadre events, having more than 150 unsubscribes hit his inbox at the same time might just make him think twice before taking this approach after attending another event. Not only will you be doing your part to defend quality and authentic networking, but as Scott Stratten would say, you’ll be saving the lives of baby unicorns in the process.